


I Do, and Do, and Do

by DownOnThePharm



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Old Married Rimmer and Lister
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:02:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23924314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DownOnThePharm/pseuds/DownOnThePharm
Summary: Post-TPL - Rimmer and Lister reminisce about several important moments in their lives.  Fluff for the sake of being fluffy.
Relationships: Dave Lister/Arnold Rimmer
Comments: 7
Kudos: 55





	I Do, and Do, and Do

“Smeg, I’m glad that nonsense is over!” Dropping heavily onto the sofa, Rimmer yanked a crown of woven greenery off his head and flung it across the bunkroom. “Bloody dramatic Cats.”

Lister plopped down beside him, smirking. “C’mon now, Mighty. Don’t talk about your followers like that,” he teased, patting Rimmer’s arm “They meant well, y’know? They just want us to be happy.”

“Meant well? All right, I suppose so,” Rimmer conceded. “What’s a bonding ceremony, though?” The hologram plucked a stray leaf out of his hair, crumpled it between his fingers, and sniffed it, wrinkling his nose. “I’ve never liked the smell of catnip.”

“Catnip is sacred to my people,” Cat said as he swanned into the sleeping quarters. “That’s quality stuff! Don’t waste it like that, Goalpost Head!”

“I’m your god now, you stupid moggy. You’d best show me some respect if you don’t want me to smite you.”

“Okay. Don’t waste it like that, Lord Goalpost Head, Your Shiny Holiness, Sir.” Grinning at the grumbling hologram, Cat scooped up the discarded crown and pressed it to his nose, inhaling its aroma appreciatively. “Mmm.” He slinked over to the sofa and carefully removed the crown Lister was wearing. “This one is mine, too. You monkeys can’t appreciate it like we do. Man, I love that smell. Makes me want to roll around naked on these.”

Rimmer glared at Cat. “Not in here, you won’t. We just got Listy’s mess cleared out. Now, what’s a bonding ceremony, you furball?”

“Just what it sounds like, Your Sacred Trans-Am Wheel Arch Nostrilness. You and Gerbil Cheeks are bonded under Cat law. You’re mates. You know. Married.”

Lister chortled as Rimmer closed his eyes, shook his head slowly, and sighed. “Again? For the love of Io - how many times does that make?” 

“Let’s see.” Lister regarded the ceiling as he thought for a moment. “There was that time Ekweyhektay married us because Butler insisted it would improve relations between their tribe and us.”

Rimmer replied, “Right, and that time on board the _Encomium_ so that that Ziggy fool would leave you the smeg alone.” 

Lister shuddered at the memory. “That one was a nutter. Lemme see - what else? Oh, yeah - there was the wedding chapel on that droid gambling moon. Remember? Space Elvis?”

“Ugh, yes. If I never hear ‘Love Me Tender’ again, it’ll be too soon. Hmm. Oh, I know. There was the wedding on that hologram colony, too.”

“The one where that Nirvanah bird was me maid of honor? That was nice. I liked the gown - made me arse look prime.” Lister happily cuddled up against Rimmer’s side, smiling up at his partner.

“Your arse always looks good, you little gimboid,” Rimmer said fondly, giving the feature in question a gentle pinch. “Remember the mech ceremony?”

“The one where we exchanged plungers? How the smeg could I forget that? Kryten cried so much that he had to switch out his eyes three times.” 

Rimmer wrapped an arm around Lister’s shoulder and gave him an affectionate peck on the cheek. “Buds, that is disgusting,” Cat protested. “Monkey love makes me sick. I’m out!” Gathering up his prized catnip with an offended huff, Cat glided from the room.

“Good riddance, you ignorant animal,” Rimmer called after him. “Now, where were we? There was the handfasting by the vampire GELFs...”

“Yeah, and the life-bonding by those looney BEGGs.” Lister snuggled into his hologram’s embrace, resting his head on Rimmer’s shoulder.

“Hogey blessed our union and declared us married once, remember? Just before he challenged you to a duel across time and space?”

“Crazy little smegger. He still owes us that cake baking contest, you know. You’d thrash him.” 

Rimmer preened slightly at the compliment. “It’s true, I do make a superb chocolate layer cake. I should probably bake one for this wedding. Now, where were we, Listy? Ah, yes - the Simulant ceremony. Get married for the amusement of their commander or be murdered horribly. Interesting choice, that.”

“Happy to know I’m better than another death to ya, smeghead.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that. It was touch and go there for a moment.” Rimmer laughed as Lister smacked him. “You won out in the end, though. We really are making a bad habit out of getting married, it seems.” 

Lister sighed contentedly. “Yeah, but I love it every time. I’m glad I’m stuck alone in deep space with you, me moon.”

“There’s no one I’d rather make moonlight with,” Rimmer whispered as he drew his husband in for a kiss.


End file.
